One of the many things I pride myself in is being the life of the party. I know there is so much joy buried in the depth of my heart, even got titled, ‘Person Full of Joy’ in the 12 board! that is stifled in. Sometimes the joy bursts out when I finally do things that make my insides happy. One such love I found was in dancing.
But I never knew it till my second year of college. Let’s backtrack a bit to school
My whole life I thought I was pretty average. At least that was the narrative that kept replaying in my head.Then in the ninth grade I read the secret ‘Thoughts become things,’ it said, “what a fascinating thought,” I muttered to myself. But that realization lasted a sweet couple of days. Then in the twelveth grade I decided to deny all odds, and get a 94 percent in my boards exam by implementing the secret, ending this journey with the phone of my choice.
From then it all went downhill. I laid on my beds for months crying waiting for the results, anxiety and depression hit The sunshine that once traveled with me took a back seat and black clouds accompanied me everywhere.
Doing this period, I put on a bit of weight, and got a little bit of a tummy which put me off. From then on I restricted myself doing things, this self imposed curtailment made me boil from within. My friends would go out partying, and I just said I couldn’t.
Previously I was drinking to forget the frustration waking up worse. Till I reached a point, I needed a productive outlet and decided to start walking/jogging.
Many years later I saw a Ted Talk titled ‘Living without Shame’ that empowered me. I realised that how I treated myself wasn’t with love and have then on made it a concious attempt to me kinder to myself.
I started 2020 with Mindfullness that helped me cope with my new found bestfriend Anxiety
To Be Continued…….